I realize its been forever and a day since I've published a blog. Though I have two or three of them either in my head or scattered onto various pages in my notebook, I haven't felt the motivation to sit down and bring them together. This is partially due to the sheer speed at which things are happening to me. And partially due to devoting myself to an incredible amount of emotional, physical and spiritual changes.
I've been moving. I've never moved out of state before. I didn't realize this 4 months ago when I accepted a job in Berkeley and began the moving process. I've moved plenty and traveled extensively. But I've never taken up residence outside of the state of Washington. There's more to this than one might think. Red tape, if you will. So much to do just to get yourself settled. I was in a sublet and then I was in a sexy loft space. And, as the financial state of the world has recently crumbled my inner yuppie's American Dream, I have been laid off from my job in Berkeley. I'm moving again. This time, into a room in a friend's house in Oakland where my inner artist can make all her American Dreams come true. Moving is incredibly jarring, and I'm looking forward to grounding myself in one space for a long while.
I've been healing. Through nutrition, acupuncture and intense chiropractic work, I've been bringing my body to a state of 100% health. What disease is taking 4+ months to recover from? Stress. Physical, Emotional and Chemical Stress. Physical: I'm learning how to feed my body all the nutrients it needs daily. Emotional: I'm allowing myself to feel the pain of loss and the beauty of gaining instead of pushing feelings away or rooting them into my unconsciousness. Chemical: I'm paying careful attention to the toxins that I allow into my body and make sure I consume the necessary antidotes to get myself into balance (usually water, nutrients through a balanced diet and essential oils, meditation and -- most importantly! -- rest).
I've been changing. I know I've changed physically. I chopped my hair short, dyed it black and dropped 12 pounds (15 if I don't drink enough water). But what other than physical am I changing? I'm so in the middle of it that I can't even distinguish what is the 'new' me and what is the 'old' me. Meaning, I'm not sure I have a handle on what characteristics I'm leaving and what characteristics I'm holding onto. A year from now, 6 months from now, 2 weeks from now: I'll have a much better answer.
I've been reading. Seriously. Not only am I chipping away at 'Feng Shui for the Soul' and Anthony Ravenscroft's 'Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful', but I've blown through all 4 books in Stephenie Meyer's 'Twilight' Series and a trashy novel called 'The Balance Thing' by Margret Dumas.
I've been connecting. A few weeks ago I told people that though I'd met some members of my new 'family' here in San Francisco, I hadn't 'connected' with them. (This somewhat includes members of my already existing spillover-from-life-in-Seattle SF family, which have been incredibly supportive, inviting and understanding). I've crossed that threshold, finally. I'm connecting with people, new and old, in both East Bay and SF proper that will are creating the support bubble that I need to be my best in this world.
I've been receiving. I am so blessed. So many friends both near and far have handed me exactly what I need at exactly the time I've needed it. From material things like wifi routers to spiritual readings, dj gigs, coffee and hopes for job prospects. Shahid, bless his soul, lent me two monitor speakers. Those two elements, plus a copy of 'Reason 4 Ignite!' is pushing me over the edge of my technical slump with regards to creating music. I'm seriously, seriously blessed.
So what's next for me? Now I am on the job search again and continuing to paint the 'red tape' transparent. Any moment that I'm not doing so is a gift and I'm either spending that in the studio making music or connecting with friends.
And now that my inner artist has taken over my path, my first publishable tracks won't take me forever and a day.
