Tuesday, November 24, 2009

NEXT GIG: Wed Dec 9th @ Shine

I love this joint!

Mizumo Music hosts Purebassed on Wednesday, December 9th!

Join us for a night of house & breaks with some of your favorite SF folks:

Jen Woolfe (Shameless)
DJ Denise (Mizumo)
Anthony James (Rocko Dynamite/Strategik) vs. Loryn (Strategik/Mizumo)
Jana D (Acid Totem/Neuroweapon/Rebel Bass Collective)

$5 cover / 21+ / 9pm-2am

Thursday, November 12, 2009

NEXT GIG: Tue Nov 17 @ BOC

I'm throwin' down some House Beats fro 9-11pm Tuesday Nov 17th!

Where: B.O.C. (Bar on Church)
198 Church St. @ 14th & Market
9pm - 11pm
Free!



Monday, October 26, 2009

NEXG GIG: HotWired ~ Seattle Nov 7th

HOTwired 2.0
HOTwired gets a Jumpstart for Osiris' Birthday!


Just when it looked like we were running out of heat, HOTwired gets a JUMPSTART!

NEW DAY: EVERY FIRST SATURDAY

NEW VENUE: WAID'S on 12th and Jefferson on Capitol Hill

NEW SOUND: WAID'S soundsystem got a big upgrade, it now has CLEAN powerful sound!

More details will be added soon.


HOTwired brings the best dj’s and musicians in our community and beyond to team up and collaborate in unexpected, amazing and often unusual parings. The dirty and the deep merge with circus and fire performance groups to create a unique club night that defies the usual style and genre stereotypes.

This month we are excited to feature our most celebrated HOTwired original 2x4! Jen will fly “home” from SF and together with one of our all time favorites Coral, will create some of the best dancefloor energy that we have been fortunate enough to witness over the years. If you have not had a chance to see these amazing musicians play together you have been missing out. If you have, you where with us the moment you saw their names together...

Join us for the re-boot of
HOTwired 2.0 This will be our first night in the new venue!


MISS SHELRAWKA (SEA - NY)
JEN WOOLFE vs CORAL
(SF - SEATTLE - SHAMELESS - T.O.U.C.H. SAMADHI - DIGITAL INNOVATORS)
OSIRIS INDRIYA vs AMANITA ~ FUTURE NURSES
(IBOGA RECORDS - PSYBOOTY - FUTURE NURSES)

Live circus performances by:
Obsidian Moon

Doors from 10pm till LATE!
10 to 11 $5
After 11 $10
WAID'S
1212 E Jefferson Street & 12th Avenue

HOTwired is the FIRST SATURDAY of every month!

BURNERS! Make it a Seacompression AFTERPARTY!! We do not wish to compete with Seacompression as we love our Burning Friends and families and most of us still have playa caked to our favorite boots ourselves! Those who can show they have paid entry to Seacompression pay only 5$. We would love to see you when you flee from sandpoint!



Presented by: Future Nurses

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

NEXG GIG: Beats 4 Boobs ~ Fri Oct 23 2009

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month and if you haven't had a chance to support the cause, this is IT! For only $20, you can support this amazing cause & event and help raise funds for the Breast Cancer Emergency Fund (BCEF) and Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Or, better, contribute $25 or $50 for VIP Packages!

Friday October 23 - 6pm - 2am
111 Minna Gallery

This year’s theme is “Green is the new Pink” and will center around healthy living. Knowing that environmental toxins are one of the leading causes of disease, cancer, birth defects, asthma, and reproductive harm, Beats for Boobs will help educate people on how to reduce exposure in their own lives.


DJ Lineup --------------------------
shOOey (Space Cowboys)
DJ Icon (djicon.cm)
jeniluv (fistfight)
DJ ThuyVu (Deep Blue)
Jen Woolfe (Shameless)

Fashion Show -----------------------
Designers:
Buddhalicious
Chiqui
DeFalco Design
Jose Adele Designs
miss velvet cream
Side Effects
silver lucy design
Tamo Design

Models Hair/Make up --------------
Oxenrose Salon
Shu Uemura

Live Performances -------------------
HoopGirl
Lucid Mechanism
DJ Rubia
Breakdancing by Muppet Babies
Mona Caron Live Art
Nick Myerhoff Performance Painting & GirlRider
Photography Installation by Shelley Moon

Plus Taste Temptation.... Education Station ... Fire Performances...

--
About Beats for Boobs

Beats for Boobs founder, Juliana Cochnar, began volunteering for Susan G. Komen for the Cure in the early 1990’s. In 2002, she learned that her mother, Barbara, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Beats for Boobs was created as a fundraising effort with friend, Radhika Ragsdale, who shared the same passion for the cause. That effort, along with their team that was created to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, raised a total donation of $4400.

Just two years later, Beats for Boobs threw a full-fledged fundraiser in tandem with the Komen Race, collectively raising more than $9000. Since then, the yearly event has grown organically in the San Francisco community, and the Race team fundraising and B4B donations have generated over $50,000 for the cause. This year’s event will be Beats for Boob’s largest fundraiser, aiming to raise $25,000 for national and grassroots breast cancer organizations. This year there will also be an emphasis on raising awareness of environmental causes of breast cancer, and educating women on prevention.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Blog: 'I'm dating my blackberry'

I just mutually (though heartbreakingly) ended a gorgeous summer romance. We resided in different cities, lived different lives, but shared a few things in common that connected us intellectually & emotionally over the course of about 5 months: 1) the internet. 2) the text message.

We met on Mypace.

Meaning that somehow, we were connected as myspace friends. She was heading to San Francisco to do a photo shoot and was looking into her friend's list for people she 'knew' who lived in SF, apparently. The first thing she said to me was through a myspace comment. It said 'hello random myspace friend.' I sent back a message telling her some places to check out which escalated to my roommate and I showing her around the city all day. I didn't mind, though. She was pretty cute. That night, we dressed her up in drag and tall boys and hauled her to a burlesque show. We did our bay area duty and gave her the SF treatment: got her drunk, dressed her up, pushed her out of her comfort zone, then sent her on her way. I didn't see her again until I traveled to Seattle in April.

--
Dating in the technology age is different. By different, I mean different than the last time I was 'dating'. It took me about a year after leaving my 4-year relationship to really actively start 'dating'. Which meant the last time I 'dated' was 5 years ago... converted into technological years is about ... carry the 1.... 25 years. 25 years!!

The rules have changed. For example, there's no '3 day rule' anymore. Texting has killed it. Text has also killed the ability to judge when to send a 'follow up' text, because you don't actually know if the first one ever made it. Texting (known in the geek world as SMS) is an non-guaranteed protocol. It just spins it out into the web, not caring whatsoever that you've just thrown your self esteem into the black, unforgiving hole of cyberspace.

Which places you in a very awkward predicament.

For example, what if you ask someone out over text? First off, don't do this. Even if they claim they are part of 'generation-text' and prefer text over a phone call. I repeat, do not do this. Here's why: You may not get an answer right away. And then what? How long should you wait before sending another text? And then, what the fuck should you say?? 'Um, hello... anyone? Didn't you get my text asking you out?' Lets say you do that and the second one gets there before the first one. Then you're all pissy because they didn't answer you and they see that you're impatient and insecure so forget about actually having a date. What's lame is, you have to send the second text, because if you don't, the first one is just hanging out there forever. And then if there's two hanging out there, you're even MORE of a schmuck. When they run into in person (which they always do) then they'll know you're the passive moron who was dumb enough to ask them out over text. Twice.

The problem is, there's no etiquite for when you should be sent a response. Even an 'I'm thinking about it' kind of response would be nice. Something like 'hey, lemme make sure my girlfriend is going out of town and then I'll get back to you'.

The same rules apply for non-dating situations. I've learned recently that you should not ask to borrow things via text message. (I still do it). Because instead of saying 'no, you fuckwad, get out of my face!', they just don't answer. I hate that.

Ok, if you have to ask someone out over text (because, say, the end of their phone is a computer and doesn't answer calls) then here's a tip: engage them in conversation first, so you know they are actively answering their messages. Once you have done so, then ask them out. This doesn't always work, however. Once, even after using this trick, I was still hung out to dry for about 12 hours before being rejected. I mean, fucks sake. Why torture me? If you're gonna say no, please do me a favor and put me out of my misery right away.

So apparently there IS etiquette in how & when you should contact the person after a date. I learned that the hard way, too. A few months ago, on the Monday after a very enjoyable date, I was chillin' on my couch vegging out to my Netflix when I decided to 'follow up' with said enjoyable date via a text message. Apparently that approach was too aloof, because later, when we became friends, she informed me of my error. She looked at me and shook her head, sighing, 'you sent me a text.' Fail.

--
At least with my long-distance summer romance, we had no choice but to text message after our first date, which happened back in April as I was cruising through Portland after a few gigs in Seattle. Our evening was cute and slightly awkward, and I wasn't even sure if it was a date until I asked her directly. She said 'yesh' and paid the bill (how old-fashioned of her).

After that, our friendship texts were laced with flirtation. Then one day a text came in that read something like this: 'What are you wearing?' This line is fun and familiar. I told her what my outfit comprised of. But then, she changed the nature of our flirtation with one quick line.

'Take it off,' it said.

I had been to first base via text before. And second, sure. But all the way?? Never seemed necessary, given that I was home and undressed before I rounded third. But this! This was different. This was not a means to an end. I had no way of knocking on her door except in the depths of my imagination. This was sexting for the pure joy of the sext itself.. this was a story. Any story. Any place that our minds would dare to go. Any island, any office building, any treehouse, any car scenario; any age, any identity and most delightfully, any gender.

Which revealed a whole new realm of possibility for me, a writer of the dirtiest degree. This was a doorway into a new world; a land laced with the power of my infinite imagination. And when I swung open the passage to the promise of those lands, who did I find chained to the leather couch, holding out handcuffs and a glass of wine, but this perverted pisces, whose days of dreaming were here to whip my rhyme of realism into her most devout pleasures.

My phone was blowin' up after that. I'm pretty sure we knocked my service offline after the first time. Seriously. The day after our first session, my phone stopped working for about 24 hours because Verizon investigated it under suspicions of 'cloning'.

Not to be restricted by the limitations of cellular networks, I signed up for another toy that is most necessary when conducting long-distance romantic relations: twitter. Now, not only could we tease each other over text, but we could toss secret messages t@ each other, duping our friends in the process. Plus, and this is the important part, we could see more of what the other was doing\thinking on a day-to-day basis. Really. We could actively participate in each other's lives on an hour-to-hour, albeit minute-to-minute basis if we wanted to, even 589 miles away.

Twitter is revolutionary. It is truly changing reality. Not only is there finally a place for all the one-liners that pop into my head to go, but now sometimes people actually listen & respond right back @me. Its amazing. It really draws people in, as if you are sitting right next to each other, passing the salt across the table. Not only to your friends and family, but to celebrities. I can read where Ashton Kutcher is having dinner & what Pink thought of her concert in Australia the night before -- in real time. Samantha Ronson & Linsday Lohan conduct their lesbionic liaison in one-lined love letters that start with the symbol: @. Its Bloody Brilliant.

And Addictive. Seriously addictive. During the work day, I started calling the internet 'check-up' of my fascinating friend my 'smoke break'.

By this time, we were virtually dating. Soon I was being 'friended' (yes, that's a word now) by her friends, girls who only really knew me through photo albums and @ symbols. I could cruise videos of their weekends and drunken comments to each other. It seems strange, but it worked. I really had an idea of what was going on in her life; and her in mine.

My sext partner became my actual lover after she was called again to San Francisco for another photo shoot. This was a turning point weekend where our digital connection transfered to an emotional connection. This is when we found that we had much more in common than possession of a telephone and a facebook account. We were both in similar places in our lives, isolating ourselves in order to accomplish life goals & needing to break through some fears regarding intimacy. We both dished out dry humor so bizarre that we were generally the only ones listening closely enough to be amused. And we both understood that one can actually survive on musical genius alone. And though the stories we made up for ourselves were hot and hilarious, the reality of our tangible time together was far more fulfilling than I would have dared to imagine.

Despite her text-loving tendencies, she called me one morning to deliver the bad news. She couldn't do it anymore. Being apart physically was too hard and we would have to let go. I knew the moment she said it that it was right. She was starting back into school and had to concentrate. And I had a whole new city to find within' it my place. Despite our distance, we were too distracting. Enchantingly, creatively, passionately, deliciously distracting. The kind of distracting that could only be healthy as a short-lived summer fling.

We would have one more weekend together. It wasn't until the last day of that weekend that we started our disconnect, pulling the plug on the three things that kept us part of each others' mundane. We removed ourselves from the other's facebook friends list, as well as our shared friends (otherwise, you could still see status updates). We erased each other's phone numbers. And we 'unfollowed' ourselves and our friends on twitter. It was excruciating. I dropped her off at the airport on Monday morning, and cried myself to work.

Sitting in front of my computer, it took me less than an hour to realize that I could still see her facebook updates from her myspace page. She even synced her twitter to it for a hot minute until I'm guessing she figured out the same. Now, as I ween myself off this daily obsession, we're reduced to very censored and limited status updates and mood icons. Which I am grateful for. I wasn't ready to quit cold-turkey, even though, eventually, it is for the best. While my online wife is beautiful, and fascinating and entertaining, and I would take nothing of our time together back, we have to let go of what we meant to each other at this place, in this time, so that we are truly ready when we click the 'Add as Friend' button once again.


--
sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

NEW MIX: Liquid Lucky

This is a live practice mix for a Burning Man set that I didn't actually do... yet! Its Techno, or what Beatport labels as Techno, a style I haven't done much of ... yet! So please download and enjoy as appropriate.

Liquid Lucky (yes, I watched Harry Potter that day)

Monday, August 31, 2009

NEXT GIG: Friday Sept 18th @ Drift

Friday Sept 18th


Jen Woolfe (Shameless)

Kinetic (Drift)

Resident Percussionist: C. Flava


Shine

1337 Mission St.

San Francisco (at 9th)

21+ $7


http://www.myspace.com/drift_sf

Monday, August 24, 2009

NEXT GIG: Wed & Fri @ Burning Man 2009

I'll be DJ'ing Wed and Fri nights at Burning Man ~!

Robosapiens @ 9:30 & Esplanade

Look for the big robot awakening from its slumber to our sensational grooves~

Wednesday Sunrise Set (aka Thur morning) 5:45a-7a
Friday (aka Sat morning) Midnight-2a


Here's the entire DJ lineup for Robosapiens, including many
great Seattle|SF performers:

Sunset Every Evening
30-min live music ritual -- Sabastian (Seattle) [Robosapiens]

Tuesday
10p-12a EQLateral (Seattle|SF) Live [Robosapiens]

Wednesday
10p-12a Pete Spinning (LA) Tech|Prog|Tribal|Funky D&B [Ghetto Fabulous Monkey Do]
12a-2a Evil Genius - Kevin (Seattle) Electro|Prog House [Newlywed Camp]
2a-3a Loryn -Loren (SF) House|Breaks [Camp TBD]
3a-4a Infinitee- Sean (SF) House|Breaks [Opulent Temple]
4a-5:45a Adlib (Seattle) Progressive |Tech House [Camp Awesome Sauce]
5:45a-7 Jen Woolfe (SF) Minimal Techno|Downtempo [Robosapiens]

Thursday
10p-12a Sebastian (Seattle) Live [Robosapiens]
12a-2a Scottino (SF) Electro House [Oacious]
2a-4a Doc Schmikl (Seattle) - Josh D&B9|Dub Step [Robosapiens]
4a-5:45a Space Freq - Adam (SF) Dub Step|Breaks [Robosapiens]
5:45a-7 AY (SF) Tech House|Techno [Pink Mammoth]

Friday
4p-7p Special Happy Hour Set AY (SF) [Pink Mammoth]
10p-12a Riff Raff - Alea (Seattle) Electro House [Rockstar Orphans]
12a-2a Jen Woolfe (SF) Electro House|Breaks [Robosapiens]
2a-4a Seva (SF) Breaks|Electro House|Techno [Garage Mahal]
4a-5:45a CyberSutra (Seattle|SF) Electro House [Camp TBA]
5:45a-7a Scottino (SF) Electro House [Oacious]

Monday, August 17, 2009

NEW MIX: Live @ Roboraiser Aug 15

I slapped down a sic set at the fundraiser for our burning man camp, Robosapiens on Sat. Here it is in its entirety. A word of warning, though. I got a little trigger happy on the effects. I couldn't stop myself. I just love the Pioneer 800's effects. Favorite effect of the night: Robot.




Wednesday, July 29, 2009

NEW MIX: Between The All

Between The All - East Bay Side
http://www.jenwoolfe.com/audio/BetweenTheAll_EastBaySide.mp3

Between The All - San Francisco Side
http://www.jenwoolfe.com/audio/BetweenTheAll_SFSide.mp3

Spank on Tap, a pre-funk for Ladies Night!
http://www.jenwoolfe.com/audio/Spank_on_Tap.mp3

Please donate via paypal by using my hotmail address (not my gmail address): jenwoolfe@hotmail.com.
Do not forget to add a note with your address so I may send you the CD.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

NEXT GIG: Adaptor ~ Thur July 16 @ Triple Crown

Thursday, July 16th 2009

Shameless Presents Adaptor @ Triple Crown

Alland Byallo ( Kontrol - SF )
Recess ( Shameless\Broken Disco - SEA )
Robb Green ( Shameless ) vs Jen Woolfe ( Shameless )

1760 Market St. San Francisco
$6$ free before 11p
21+ 10p-2a

myspace.com/shamelesssf
triplecrownsf.com


Alland Byallo ( Kontrol - SF )

The SF Bay Guardian called Alland Byallo "San Francisco's very own tidal wave of techno", and for good reason.
Alland is one of the busiest men in the San Francisco techno community.

Having produced electronic music for over 10 years and DJing for nearly as long Alland come to be an international talent, releasing original material and remixes on respected US and European record labels such as Liebe*Detail, Floppy Funk, Utensil Recordings and Dirtybird among many others, and head- lining events all over. His music, a blend of old and new elements of techno, house and minimal, is regularly charted and has been licensed to CD’s released by Universal, OM Records, Proton Music and Airdrop Music.

Alland’s involvement with music didn’t just start from splurging and buying some 1200’s. Having been raised with music since the age of 5 playing piano, and adding trumpet at age 11, it only seemed natural for Alland to follow up his skills and training by sharing his taste in quality music with people as a DJ, and pursuing production.

Alland is always quite busy in the studio working hard on his own unique take on electronic dance music for his own Nightlight Music imprint and many other labels. In 2006 Alland founded ElektrUS. This private forum is made specifically to increase European interest in the American minimal techno / tech-house scene. By providing a simple, central and easy means of communication, ElektrUS streamlines the booking process and maximizes the productivity of tour booking ventures. The hope is to make the US a more fun and respectable place for the techno community, and a more profitable venture for European talent and agents. This forum was a large part of successful US techno bookings in 2007 and 2008, and is set to help more in the coming years.

Not only is Alland a resident, graphic designer and A&R for what is arguably the States’ most respected and notorious techno night, [KONTROL], he is also booked regularly as the opening act for influences such as Superpitcher, Trentemøller, Michael Mayer, Booka Shade, M.A.N.D.Y., Swayzak, Miss Kittin, Modeselektor, Claude VonStroke, Jeff Samuel, Heartthrob, Redshape, Ambivalent and many others. Alland has quickly grown to be one of the most in-demand Techno talents that SF has to offer.

Among many great parties, 2007 saw Alland performing live at Seattle‘s Decibel Festival and DJing at Lovefest in San Francisco. In 2008 Alland played a fantastic DJ set on the Beatport Stage at the Detroit Electronic Music Festival (DEMF Movement), a DJ performance at Decibel 2008, and played a successful European tour including gigs at such world famous clubs as Panoramabar in Berlin and Propoganda Moscow. His recent tour of Europe saw him play rockin sets and building goodwill at such illustrious clubs as Harry Klein in Munich, Week End club Berlin, Uebel & Gefährlich and Kubik in Hamburg, and Cyprus' infamous Klub D. And now with his full-length album Brick By Brick due out this summer it’s obvious that the future looks bright for both him and his label, Nightlight Music.


Recess ( Shameless, Broken Disco - SEA )

Raised on the industrial, new wave, and pop music of the time, in the late 80's Recess found his second home at the now defunct Club Underground in Seattle's University District. Using these early experiences as a platform, he started collecting records and honing his skills at various clubs around the Northwest; quickly establishing himself as a formidable performer. Recess is the main force behind Shameless in Seattle (responsible for Broken Disco, Electric Avenue, BootyLIB, the Official Decibel Festival afterparties and numerous other local one offs with artists such as Modeselektor, Drop the Lime, Egyptian Lover, Para One, Godfather, Surkin & Tittsworth) and he continues to turn heads with his unique take on dance music. He's played alongside heavy hitters such as Modeselektor, Green Velvet, Felix Da Housecat, Damian Lazarus, MSTRKRFT, John Tejada, DJ Assault, Ewan Pearson, Zombie Nation, Alex Smoke and could quite easily be caught playing electro/discopunk at one club, bmore club/ghetto tech at another, or techno/house/breaks depending upon the crowd and party. A leader in Seattle's electronic community, his versatility has led to being nominated in 2006 for the Seattle Weekly's Best Local DJ contest. Currently, he's been instrumental in bringing back Broken Disco 2.0 and also holds a DJ residency at Club Pop which is one of Seattle's most popular 18+ club nights. Whether it's an afterhours loft space, major club, mountaintop, or random BASSment; Recess consistently brings the sounds and energy to fit any dance party.
http://www.simplyshameless.com


Robb Green ( Shameless - SF )

Robb came of age at the close of the eighties and the birth of the nineties. He was largely influenced at the time by the likes of bands such as Nine Inch Nails,
Tribe Called Qwest, The Cure and Operation Ivy.

But the story really begins when Robb moved to Atlanta and was truly exposed to both the Atlanta hip-hop and rave scenes. Robb first started messing around with hip-hop records in 1995. He then found himself in Bend, OR where big beat and techno music pleased his ears. A constant record hound he began collecting all types of dance music, and fusing them together.

In 1999 Robb moved to Seattle and discovered the vibrant house scene there and was hooked. In 2001, Robb was picked up by Tilted Records and found his very own true love, tech-house. With a label standing behind him and a record store at his disposal, he dove head first into his new passion. In 2003, Robb met Recess and all things Shameless while running his afterhours spot, Nightcap. He quickly took to the Shameless attitude, finally feeling what had be missing from his musical taste, things more edgy and down right dirty. Moving to San Francisco in 2005, Robb was quickly drawn into the underground scene, playing underground warehouse parties.

Robb loves making the dance floor sweat, and is known for his innovative sets melding multiple musical styles.



Jen Woolfe ( Shameless - SF )
Making Dance Floors Sticky Since 2001


A Seattle to San Francisco transplant, Jen Woolfe has been making dance floors sticky along the West Coast since 2001. From Intimate Ambient Breaks to Elegant Electro House, Jen's sounds are deep, dirty and a little tongue-in-cheek. She'll have you laughing in one moment and leave you seduced, sipping on your soul the next. Stay tuned till the end of her set, there's always a story to tell.

Jen began her DJ career in 2001, after realizing her favorite spot on the dance floor was 2 feet away from the DJ booth, watching the hands of every Deep and Tech House DJ to visit her hometown of Seattle. Soon after she picked up Deep Dish's Global Underground, she made the move to Progressive House, a genre that succumbs to her seductive style and intimate journeys. In 2005 she returned to her Alt-Rock roots by fusing dance, rock & new school breaks and tinting her style with elegant electro.

Jen's versatility allows her to play any time of night at any venue, always served with style. Her desire to bring together diverse communities under one groove has helped her to be one of the most loved and devoted DJ's on the West Coast. Jen has played at venues across the U.S., including Seattle, San Francisco, Portland, Las Vegas, Reno, Vancouver B.C., Boston, Boise, Idaho Falls, Grand Junction CO and Black Rock City, NV. She is currently an affiliate of Shameless SF. Listen to mixes and read about her adventures at http://www.jenwoolfe.com.

Friday, June 05, 2009

NEXT GIG: Shameless Regenerates... Adaptor Thur June 18th!

Thursday June 18th 2009

Its my Birthday Celebration!!

This is the day you've been waiting for as

Shameless Regenerates...

Adaptor
in our new location, Triple Crown

This is a THEME PARTY -- Sluts vs Prudes
Dress Tasty or Straight-Laced!

Our Grand Reopening Features

Jerry Abstract (Fixelplix.com\Decibel\Catapult Records)
Jen Woolfe (Shameless)
Robb Green (Shameless)


Location
Triple Crown
1760 Market St. San Francisco
$6$ free before 11p
21+ 10p-2a

myspace.com/shamelesssf
triplecrownsf.com

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Feet Don't Fail Me Now

A few weeks ago, I played at one of the best venue's I've ever experienced. Its called the Bordello. I shared the bill with a long list of fantastic local female performers. AirRe Redtree and CarlyD booked me at a great timeset, 1a-2:30a in the side room. Amazing!! I was excited about it for the entire month, up until a few days before. I don't know if it was intuition or if I was just spent from my 4-day trip to Seattle the week before, but I felt a little deflated the day of the event.

I showed up around ten to a lovely but chill live music vibe. This did not surprise me, as there was a nice range of live and DJ acts scheduled for the night. More people started showing up around midnight as the music began to lift to a firey female party vibe.

As things go, my set time was pushed back about an hour or so, which was fine by me. The Bordello is much more of an after party venue. The girl who played before me, Dat Girl, was incredible. She played an entirely live set, pushing crazy lit buttons and singing her own lyrics into an effects processor. So when it was my turn on the decks, the side room dance floor was hoppin! My first track kept the vibe nicely and the dance floor was engaged. I mixed in the next song, then the third; some that I thought would be perfect for the venue. But something happened. Something very unusual to me: The dance floor died. Not just died. It went limp, drained itself of all its energy, and went cold. Even my friends, some of whom had been watching me for years (yay Skylar & Tura!), weren't engaged in the space I was creating. I spent 15 more minutes or so trying different songs, working to create some energy-- any energy, that was interesting. Some people would come check out the room and quickly turn to leave. Some of my friends would come by (Yay Dane, Adam, Robb Green, Mozaic & Gregorio), smile and nod their heads a little, then leave again. Soon I switched modes and played for myself, trying to have a good time, but mostly wondering Whatthefuck?!

Whatthefuck?!, I found out later, was that I played opposite the headliner, Goddess Alchemy, an 'independent arts collective fusing music, visual art, spoken word poetry, dance, their al.KEM.y designs clothing company, and community outreach to bring sacred intention to the forefront of artistic momentum'. In other words, four hot women rapping to a live electronic burlesque show. Um, yes, well I wouldn't have missed that, either.

So that explains why my vibe had died a silent death THAT night. But the thing is this... that isn't the first time this has happened while I've played here in SF. It also wasn't the last time. In fact, its been happening a lot lately. Which has my perfectionist mind cranking... whatthefuck?!whatthefuck?!whatthefuck?!whatthefuck?!.

I think there is something happening to me. My programming is erratic. I can feel it even in my new CD, Between the All (which I haven't officially published yet -- stay tuned!). It bounces all over the place. After much contemplation, I've decided that what is going on is: I'm changing. My tastes in music are changing. My experience is changing. What I think, want and feel each day is changing. The experiences that come at me, as I pick up my life here in my new city, have my emotions going in every direction. What I feel one minute is directly opposed to, slightly divergent from, or totally unrelated to what I feel the next. And its definitely affecting my playing.

When I DJ, either to the vibrant energy of a live crowd or in the calming stillness of my own home, I channel. And maybe because I haven't found my footing yet, I'm having trouble showing all the feet on the dance floor in front of me how, or even what, I feel. As an artist, I can totally understand that. Its all part of the process. But as a performer, I'm simply not down. But I guess the artist has to tell the performer to relax, take a breath and !?chillthefuckout. Once I find myself, then what I want to say will find the way.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Next GIGs: Fri May 15 & Sun May 17

Friday, May 15th

JUKEBOX

J.Phlip
Mozaic
Kim Kong
Jen Woolfe
Simple Greene
Walker
Loryn

Underground SF location
will update with info line on Friday

Theme: The 50's
$10 in costume $15 if not

Then Sunday May 17th

Head over to Triple Crown after Bay To Breakers!!

Robb Green & Jen Woolfe host a Shameless liquid brunch

11am - 3pm

The Triple Crown
1760 Market St.
San Francisco, CA 94102

Thursday, May 07, 2009

NEXT GIG: Saturday May 9th @ Bordello


Sat May 9th


Her Music and Gaian Web Presents:

Who's Yer Mama?

A Benefit for Bay Area Women's Music Network &
Common Vision 'Mother's Day Tree Planting'

@ the Bordello in Oakland
call Info Line day of Event for Directions 510-446-8530

Featuring all Female Lineup

Aire Redtree (HER Music)
Dat Girl (Nlightn)
DJ Delphi with Members of Goddess Alchemy Project
Fleur DeLis (Carly D & Aire Redtree)
Jen Woolfe (Shameless)
Jocelyn (Get Freaky)
LB and Mercedes (Subwise)
Lotus Drops (Street Ritual)
Mesa Pegasus
Rigzin
Shakina Ma
Shee
Sister Starbird

$15 Presale via paypal : whosyermama@ymail.com
$20 at the door

All Proceeds Benefit Charities:

Her Music: www.hermusic.org
Common Vision: www.commonvision.org

More Info: www.hermusic.org

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

NEXT GIG: Seattle Erotic Art Festival ~ Fri May 1st

FRIDAY May 1st ~ Seattle Erotic Art Festival After party!

AFTER-PARTY
At midnight, the Seattle Erotic Art Festival continues late into the night with the first of two incredible after parties.

Groove with renowned DJs, spinning until 4:00 am:
- Riz Rollins from KEXP
- Jen Woolfe
- Michael Holden
- Coral

Amazing acrobatic pole dancing performances by Pantera and Elizabeth Rose.
Interactive aerial rope suspensions by the inimitable Suspended Animation.
...and much more

Admission to after-party is included in the Festival Pass or day pass, or after midnight at the door.

http://seattleerotic.org

About Seattle Erotic Art Festival


Seattle Center
305 Harrison St
Seattle, WA 98109
(206) 684-7200

The Seattle Erotic Art Festival 2009 celebrates its seventh year May 1-3, 2009 in the Exhibition Hall of the Seattle Center, an internationally acclaimed center for visual and performance art (and home to the famous Space Needle). The 2009 Festival features a juried art exhibition, a festival store, interactive installations, performances, workshops, lectures, after-hours DJ parties, and more. (Daytime hours will be reserved for quiet, reflective art viewing while evening programs are sure to stir excitement.)

Tickets for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival are on sale now!
http://www.brownpapertickets.com

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Vitamin Dee's Pic of the Day

Hey y'all, I did my first photo shoot with the AMAZING Vitamin Dee. I had so much fun. I must write more about it. Until then, check out one of the many fantastic portraits she captured of me!

Jen Woolfe thru the eyes of Vitamin Dee.

See you at Victory Lounge Friday night, Seattle ladies!!

Friday April 10th Fox Box @ Victory Lounge

OPENING NIGHT!

Jen Woolfe (Shameless SF\Leschi Lounge)
DJ Coral (Touchsamadi)
Riff Raff (Leschi Lounge\Bromance)

Fox Box was created to have a party that features an ALL GIRL DJ LINE UP! Their only objective is to make you shake your booty all night long!

On the 2nd Friday of EVERY month, these ladies will be offering up a variety of beats including: Electro, BreakBeats, Progressive Trance and Techno.

POWER HOUR from 11pm to 1am serves cheap drinks and food!
Drinks: 1/2 off well, drafts and wine + $2 off top shelf + $1.50 PBR
Eats: $2.50 Polish Dogs + $1 tacos

VICTORY LOUNGE
433 Eastlake Ave E
Seattle, WA 98109

Doors: 9pm - 2am
Cover: $5 before 11pm | $7 after 11pm
http://www.myspace.com/foxboxseattle

Saturday, March 28, 2009

NEXT GIGs: Next 2 Fridays in Seattle!

Friday April 3rd for HotWired @ Noc Noc

Future Nurses continue to bring performances, dirty electro, techno,
and psychedelic music together EVERY FIRST FRIDAY at Club Noc Noc in
Seattle.

GIRLS! vs BOYS! vs AMANITA’S BIRTHDAY
JEN WOOLFE vs CORAL
OSIRIS INDRIYA BRIAN ENOCH (aka Amanita)
MISS SHELRAWKA

live circus performances by:
WOMANIPURA

$5 before 10pm, $10 after
noc•)} noc•)}

1516 2nd Ave Seattle
www.hotwiredseattle.com

Friday April 10th Fox Box @ Victory Lounge

OPENING NIGHT!

Jen Woolfe (Shameless SF\Leschi Lounge)
DJ Coral (Touchsamadi)
Riff Raff (Leschi Lounge\Bromance)

Fox Box was created to have a party that features an ALL GIRL DJ LINE UP! Their only objective is to make you shake your booty all night long!

On the 2nd Friday of EVERY month, these ladies will be offering up a variety of beats including: Electro, BreakBeats, Progressive Trance and Techno.

POWER HOUR from 11pm to 1am serves cheap drinks and food!
Drinks: 1/2 off well, drafts and wine + $2 off top shelf + $1.50 PBR
Eats: $2.50 Polish Dogs + $1 tacos

VICTORY LOUNGE
433 Eastlake Ave E
Seattle, WA 98109

Doors: 9pm - 2am
Cover: $5 before 11pm | $7 after 11pm
http://www.myspace.com/foxboxseattle

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Eagle Has Landed

A year ago this week, I set off on my West Coast Adventure with a 1-way ticket to San Francisco. I had no home, no job and every possibility for my future. Before I left, I'd been doing some pretty intense energy healing. A large piece of that healing was for me to learn to ground myself (or charge my Base Chakra) regardless of my location. I'd begun a meditation during one healing session, where my home was a large Oak tree. Wherever I went, so did my home. I could decorate the home however I wanted, leave it whenever I wanted and most importantly, return to it whenever I wanted to feel safe. Over the course of my trip, I decorated the inside of my imaginary oak tree with all the things that I like to keep me comfortable. There are things like a fake, fluffy teddy bear-skin rug on the floor, a fireplace on the ceiling, and a huge branch outside the top floor of the trunk (reachable by the air elevator) where I may look out over the world. I was an eagle, ready to soar.

Though my West Coast Adventure ended mid-July, the real healing that I was to do was just getting started. I realize, dear readers, that I never published my Detox Part II story. This is mostly because the detox is still going on. I wasn't just detoxing the poison of 15 years of drinking and clubbing. Throughout the last year, I've been detoxing all the things that have been holding me back from flight.

Not just physical or chemical. Or emotional.

My largest setback with soaring as an artist started the minute I signed a lease for a loft space on the edge of Emeryville and Oakland. I'd been wrestling with my inner yuppie for quite some time. On my inner artist's path, I'd been enjoying short spurts of I.T. contracting and keeping my living costs low, giving up money for time. But I felt that since I was going back to work full time, I wanted to enjoy some of the perks of having a full-time paycheck. I wanted to live on my own in a rad place. I'd found the place and it was gorgeous. Plus, it felt like me.

What I didn't realize at the time, was that it was a different me, a me I'd let go of long ago, burned with my business cards in the fire of the Temple. She was resurrected for 5 months in an empty but beautiful loft space on the edge of Emeryville and Oakland. Right on the edge -- the very line where the two cities meet. Perhaps this was a sign; one I did not see. Emeryville, a city of high-end retail shops, snazzy restaurants and Pixar Studios, and Oakland, the bay's eclectic underbelly, booming with bohemians. Kind of like the two sides of me. I had built the dream of my next 4 years: where I was going, what I was going to do with the loft space. But my dream was very spendy, and when I was laid off from my full time job at the start-up where I was working, the dream shattered.

For the first time in 8 years, I was off my path.

What I felt then was confused. There was no magic. What the hell was going on? I remember heading to the Berkeley Marina, right after my lay off. I climbed out of my car and down onto some large rocks, overlooking the water. Across the bay I could see San Francisco, sitting tall and all-knowing. 'You know what you're doing,' I thought.

Through a ground-breaking tarot reading from Jessica Star, I learned that I was in a cycle and had no idea. The job at the Berkeley start-up was not an end to a means. It was a vehicle to plant me in the East Bay, a place for refuge and resurrection; an artistic mecca where I can step back from the excitement and energy of the city and create before entering it with all the fullness of who I am.

But first, I had to get out of my loft space. And I needed all of my deposit back.

Enter Ranger Napalm: a Black Rock City Ranger, ex East Coast party promoter and long-time friend of my long-time friend Vudu. Napalm had a house in the hills of Oakland with 2 empty bedrooms, a backyard and a gorgeous view of the bay. Plus, he would wave my rent until I got back on my feet financially. The magic was back! I cleaned the loft space silly for 3 days, spackled and painted. I retrieved all my deposit back and left my loft dream to a fancy young couple with 3 cats.

Napalm isn't the only new friend that I have acquired here in the Bay, nor is he the only one that Vudu introduced me to. Seems that there are quite a few D.C. party kidz roaming the city and they have been wonderfully welcoming and willing to show me the way. Carls, for one, a hot rod-riding designer\bartender, has taken me under her wing and introduced to me the more stylish side of the lesbian scene with events such as a the weekly happy hour at Orson's and the flirtatious Fem Bar. Along with new friends, I've also been deepening my connections with old friends. I'm throwing parties with Shameless Robb and Mugs, swapping coffee with the Ambrosial Philosopher, booking Shahid Buttar's lyrical endowment to enhance my groove, and celebrating my 1-year anniversary with the Conscious Fashionista. I guess my point with this paragraph is: I've met some amazing people, and they've been taking care of me.

And I've been taking care of me. My chemical detox is not over. After 3 months of hard-core cleansing, I went back to my old ways. For about 2 months I denied that my body wasn't ready to be back. I broke out yet again with cold sores about mid-January and then put the proverbial bottle back on the shelf. I was connected through a massage therapist (and DJ student) of mine in Seattle to a healer (an another new friend) who recommended some over-the-counter solutions to help continue my cleanse. I also decided to do a liver detox. My liver needs some love. Its tells me that during my acupuncture appointments, when those points that are connected to my liver cause me to wince in pain and all but smack my dear acupuncturist across the mouth. I'll detox my liver for another 2 months and then see where I'm at before I decide what my new relationship with alcohol is to be.

Ok, more about the new me. I still have DJ gigs. Way more than I expected. In fact, I have the perfect amount: 1-2 a month is great for me. With my residency at Shameless SF's new monthly starting every 3rd Thursday at Triple Crown, my occasional appearance at the Qoöl happy hour at 111 Minna and multiple new relationships forming seemingly every time I go out, I couldn't be happier with how often I get my DJ fix. Jondi and Spesh, Qoöl's originators, also put my profile & mix up on the internationally known web site, Proton Radio. And to top it off, Spesh told me I was 'One of the good ones'. Talk about reassurance!

And that's just in the Bay Area. I also have some fantastic gigs coming up in Seattle the first week of April. On April 3rd, I'll be firing up the dance floor again for HotWired at Noc Noc with Coral, Amanita, Osiris & DJ Miss Shelrawka. Then on April 10th, I'm playing on my first bill with my latest student of the DJ arts, "Riff Raff at Victory Lounge. I have another huge gig coming up in Seattle in May, but I'll keep that under wraps until the event is announced (Ooohh, suspense!).

Regarding music production, I've just crossed a milestone. Up until now, I've been in the process of learning the tools. While this will never end, I do know that now every sound that I create during the learning process, or in the creation process, are elements that will be layers of my tracks. I know what the instruments are and which pieces of the songs they can help to create. I know the layout of a song, how to add tension and how to move it forward. The sound during this part of the process is so important that I've finally had to buckle down and buy some monitors so I can hear every frequency with crystal precision. Since I'm still under financial duress, I went for low-end but quality monitors, the KRK Rokit 5 Generation 2 model. Two of those, along with a subwoofer to pound out some filthy, brimming bass, and I'm ready for this exciting new adventure in my artistic career.

To accompany my new me, I'm about to embark on a PR Relaunch of Jen Woolfe Inc (its actually an LLC, but that doesn't really have the same ring to it, does it?). First, my long-time buddy Kanani worked her lil' heart out to make a new logo, CD covers and gorgeous business cards. Next, in two weeks I'll be coming out with a new double-disc mix CD (including cover) to share with everyone my new tastes in tracks. Third, I'll have a new myspace music page for exposé of the said tracks (its there now, but don't look!). Then last but not least, is the release of my new website, with sizzling new graphics, layout and lightening fast upload speeds (for the geeks).

So you can see with all these exciting changes, why I had to look inside myself and let go of things that were weighing me down (12 lbs of things, in fact). I am now grounded. I have my nest, my tools and the support I need. I have back my path, my vision. I know what I sound like and I sure as hell know what I feel like. Now that I have me, the sky is the limit. And once again, I'm ready to soar.

Monday, March 09, 2009

NEXT GIGs: 111 Minna & Shine

Wednesday, March 11th: Qoöl
5-6pm Marc Fong
6-645pm Hyper D
645-730pm Dooz
730-815pm Jen Woolfe
815-9pm Scott Carrelli
9-945pm Spesh

111 Minna Street Gallery, 111 Minna Street @ 2nd Street
San Francisco
5:00 PM to 10:00 PM
$5 (free before 6pm), 21+

Thursday March 12th

March 12th: ~shameless presents~

TeChNoCoLoR @ Shine...
feat.
Dj Icon ( djicon.com )
Dex Stakker ( Opel \ Pronoia )
Jen Woolfe ( Shameless \ Dreemworld )
Live MC by Shahid Buttar ( www.shahidbuttar.com )

10p-2a
1337 Mission St.
San Francisco, CA 94103

Monday, February 23, 2009

NEXT GIG: Sat March 7th -- Green Lite Revolt!

Saturday 3.7.09

shameless presents
GREEN L iTE: REVOLT!
shameless sf 1 year anniversary

Celebrating one year of bringing your the beats your mom warned you about...

~ the beat selektas ~

M3 (Green Gorilla Lounge, Triple Crowne)

Mancub (Space Cowboys, Sleevin records)
Lindsey-G (LayerZ, AV, muti music)
Robb Green (Shameless SF)
SimpleGreene (Strategik SF)
Jen Woolfe (Shameless SF, Dreemworld)

Full bar ~ 21+
10pm – 6am
Call info line for location day of party: 415-577-2060
Hosted by Mugsie

Contact:

Email simply.shameless.sf@gmail.com
MySpace www.myspace.com/shamelesssf
FaceBook http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home.../group.php?gid=27993224366
Official Site: http://www.myspace.com/shamelesssf

NEW (practice) MIX: Dark Rise

My music life has been a bit on the back burner while I get myself ever more settled out here in Oakland. But today I finally organized my music room\studio in my new place. I was compelled then, of course, to mix up some of my new tunes. About 60% of these I hadn't mixed before or even listened to! So this is a practice mix. There are many mistakes. Not recommended with headphones. I have another 2-disc CD in mind to actually release, so I don't feel too into perfecting this one. But I wanted to share it with you anyway, in case you've been missing my mixes as much as I have!

I called it Dark Rise because I think the first half is a little darker than my usual. I think this is a reflection of my mood recently. Still, I Rise.

http://www.jenwoolfe.com/audio/dark_rise.mp3

Playlist (Mostly in Order)


Get A Fakk Up - Gianlorenz Bernini [Digital Electro Vol.2]
Drops of Pleasure (Alexei & Omar Rmix) - Alex Roque feat. Sloz [Digital Electro Vol 2]
Porno Star - Etostone [Absolute Electronica]
Provocateur (Taste T's Nude in Public Mix) - Taste T [Provocateur]
Sensation Shot (S&M Original Mix) - Stylus Robb & Mattias [Sensation Shot]
Melting Mood - Eriq Johnson [Melting Mood]
Rise - Limacon [The Ride]
Baby - Meller [Back to the Future]
Mojito - Alex Dias [ Ads Records ]
Kidding (Taster Peter Club Mix) - Taster Peter [ E-Punk Stuff EP ]
The Bud - Audionatica / Claude Stafferi & Sandro S. [Mystic Road]
Stereo & Video - D: Fuse vs ScumFrog [Stereo & Video]
Girls & Boys & Toys (Bender's Playtime Remix) - Mochipet [reBootied]
Perfect - Schmidt [Perfect]
4 Bit - Uberzone [Ideology]
Overload (Valdambrini Remix) - Patrizio Mattei [Ego]

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It Never Hurts to Ask, Except Sometimes

My mom used to say "It never hurts to ask." But that's simply not true.

It does hurt. Bad.

For most of my adult life thus far, asking didn't hurt.

Here's why.

When I was a child, and I asked my Dad if I could stay up late.
Dad said, "No. Kids go to bed by 9."

I asked my Mom if I could wear only bottoms in the pool like my brother did.
Mom said "No, girls wear bathing suits."

Upon hearing that cement sound of "NO," I felt pain. I felt like I was doing something wrong. I felt imperfect. I didn't like to be imperfect. I didn't like trying to break the rules. It felt bad and it hurt.

No sends an explosion of pain through your heart into your brain. Your brain reminds you of that pain each and every time you approach another person with your desires. I'm pretty sure that I cried. I always cried when I got into trouble. I didn't like getting in trouble. I didn't like feeling wrong.

So a long, long time ago my brilliant, hurt, child-mind devised a plan so that I would never feel pain when asking. I would only ask for something when I knew the other person would say yes.

Here was the plan: Instead of asking specifically for what I wanted, I would ask supporting questions that would let me know if the person would say yes or no. If I thought they'd say yes, I'd ask them. If I thought they'd say no, I wouldn't. Or even better (comes in my brilliant teenage mind!), I could use my powers of intelligence to convince them to say yes, even before I asked them!

But very few brilliant ideas are also brilliant in their implementation. Over time, this behavior was tucked neatly away into my unconsciousness, along with my inner child.

Over time, things came about from this behavior that affected me in very negative ways.

1) I missed out on things.

If I thought someone would say no, I simply wouldn't ask. It's scary to think of how many times I stopped myself from asking for things over the years.

I tested this recently. I'd been doing some cash-only project work for a small business. Since I'd never worked in San Francisco proper before, I didn't consider the cost of travel to get to the job when I negotiated a price. Taking alternative forms of transportation was costing $13.60 a day, which was almost a full hours' work.

In the past, I never would have asked. We made a deal at the beginning about price and that was it, is how I would talk myself out of risking the feeling of pain of rejection. But I resolved to change that behavior, so I assembled my supporting arguments in my head and thought of how to best present my case. I thought of what I would say if they said no, and how I would react.

Luckily, I didn't have to practice that. Because when I asked, he said Yes. Yes, he would pay me for the cost of transportation. Wow!
Yes.

Yes sends an explosion of pleasure through your heart and your brain. Yes feels very very good.

2) I didn't fully develop the tools to deal with the rejection.

When someone said no and I thought they were going to say yes, I completely lost it. My emotions took over and it ended in an explosion of my own frustration.

For example.
Two weeks ago, I received my cell phone bill. The bill was a whooping $560! This is far from my usual $90 per month. I called Verizon Wireless Customer Service and asked them what was going on. It had to be a billing mistake!

It actually wasn't a mistake. I'd been calling the California Unemployment office for many hours in the last few weeks. Once I did for almost an entire day. I would get through to the menu and then hear the message 'Due to the number of callers already waiting, we are unable to take your call. Please try again later'.

I eventually gave up on calling and went down to the CA unemployment office in person to use their phones. What I didn't know was that each time I dialed their number and was connected to the automated service, it charged me for minutes. I don't have an unlimited plan and thus went over my minutes -- by $460!

I immediately called the Customer Service department and spoke with a few different people. They would take off $200 of the bill if I upgraded to the new plan, which would cost me $125 a month instead of $90. However, there was still $160 that I didn't feel I needed to pay (and frankly couldn't afford -- I mean, I was calling the unemployment office, after all!)

So here I was, wanting something that I felt I deserved. I agreed to get roped into their plan upgrade. I did my part. Now I wanted Verizon to remove the other $160. I wrote down my supporting arguments. I called them with the intention of being calm and reasonable.

I spoke to two different Customer Service Reps, but they wouldn't remove the extra $160. I kept my cool. One of the reps said, "I can send you to the Finance Dept. and they can help you further."

I asked her, "Do you think there's any chance they will take off the $160 in that dept.? Because if not, I'm just going to work out a payment plan."

She said, "Yes."

Yes sends an explosion of pleasure through your heart and your brain. Yes feels very very good.

Unfortunately, however, I built an expectation. I built an expectation that the next department would fulfill my needs by taking off the $160.

However, contrary to my belief, the Finance Department rep said "No. We can't do that here in this Dept. I'll have to send you back to Customer Service."

What:?!?! I was blindsided. I was lied to. My expectation of the fulfillment of desires was shattered by this terrible, terrible voice. I hated her and this whole experience!

I was caught off guard. I was frustrated. I felt pain. So, instead of staying calm and saying, "Please send me to a Manager," I completely lost it. I gave the poor guy and ear full and had to call back later and start over.

I lost my temper. I lost their respect. I lost a teeny tiny bit of my own self-esteem.

I never did get the $160 back. But once I caught up, I left Verizon. And I never used a cell phone to sign up for unemployment again !


3) I lost my ability to listen to my own desires.

When, as that young, brilliant child, I'd tucked away my aptitude to ask directly, what went with it was my ability to listen my own desires. I didn't realize this. In fact, it took about two years of therapy to even uncover what going on.

I don't have a real-life example for this except to say that often times I would get lost in the supporting questions instead of the root desires. It would be like going into a grocery store wanting to buy coffee. You think to yourself, I want coffee.

But you aren't sure if you have coffee at home and you definitely know you're out of cream. And you simply can't have coffee without cream, so you're definitely buying cream. And if you have cream then you can make that Penne with Spicy Vodka Tomato Cream Sauce you've been wanting to make. So then you need pasta, garlic, red peppers, sausage and Parmesan cheese. Yum!

You go into the grocery store, you buy the ingredients for dinner. But you forget the coffee. And you even forget that coffee was your original desire.

Because I was asking supporting questions to figure out what the person thought (to know if they'd say yes), I'd forgotten what it was I had desired in the first place!

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that I've been starting a new phase of my life. I've been changing dramatically. I've been looking deeply into my own self. I turned over this rock and found this thing that I do, this indirectness, with its negative repercussions, and I don't like it. So I decided to change it, or at least have knowledge of when I'm doing it and thus have a choice.

I decided:  when I'm going to ask someone for something, I will first ask myself: What is it that I desire? Then, I will ask the person directly to give me what I desire.

Then BAM!!! They say no. OUCH. That hurt.

Now, the next step: dealing with the pain. Ok, now that I'd put myself here, I found that there are different kinds of pain to deal with.

Lots of different kinds of pains.

And completely new situations. Situations that didn't necessarily surface before, because I'd only asked for things if I thought someone would say yes. Which means, they would want to do them. Now I'm learning that, people sometimes say yes, even if they don't want to.
 
I've  found myself in situations where I now have to defend my original desires.

4) I don't know I could lost things by asking for what I want.

Back to that cash-only project work I'd been doing for the small business in the city. We'd negotiated that the business would pay me every Friday. The first week, the owner forgot I had worked 5 days instead of 4, and he only paid me for 4. I brought this to his attention and he paid me the rest right away.

The second week, the envelope was $25 short of the total. When I brought it to his attention, he asked if he could pay me on Monday. However, Monday morning, he said he didn't have the cash, could he pay me the next day.

I said, "Yes, but I'd rather that this is the last time this happens. We negotiated that I am to be paid in full on Fridays, so I would prefer to get paid in full on Fridays".

The owner of this small business didn't like this. At all. The next morning, upon my arrival, he met me out front. He gave me an envelope with the rest of what they owed me and said, despite the fact that my project was not over, my services were no longer needed.

I was fired. Ouch.

A new kind of rejection. A new kind of pain. A kind that took me some time to understand. 

Speaking to a good friend later that week who had set me up with the temp job, he laid it out for me. "Yeah", he said, "(the owner) doesn't really like to be called out on."

Was I calling him out? Or was I simply upholding my value. 

It took me some time to realize that, unlike the previous negative impacts, what I did was not wrong. Sure, I'd lost the project, which hurt especially because it was at a time when I really needed the cash.

However, I did something that was even more valuable. I stood up for myself. I asked for what I wanted. I defended my position when it was challenged. I protected myself, my desire and my value, in spite of the risk of pain. In spite, even, of loss.

Back to the negative impacts. This is one that was the hardest to come to terms with.

5)  I manipulated people. 

I manipulated people whom I love. I manipulated people whom I respect and would not ever want to hurt. I manipulated people would probably have otherwise made up their own minds into deciding to fulfill my desire anyway. This was especially true with my romantic relationships. I'm coming to terms with this, I'm healing through this. I'm changing this.

Healing a process. Changing is a process. Having compassion for what I have that I don't like is the first step in starting that change.

My world has had lots of no's lately. They hurt. They hurt every time. Sometimes, I even cry. The difference now is that even though that is true, as long as I continue dig into my desires, and have the courage to ask, sometimes, maybe, once in a while, my ears will hear those sweet, sweet words.

Yes. 

And yes sends an explosion of pleasure through your heart and your brain.

That one yes erases all no's along the way.


==

"He who dares, my son. He who dares." -- Jip in 'Human Traffic'

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

NEXT GIG: Sat January 31st @ Shine

Mozaic (Mixtape)
Robb Green (Shameless SF)
Jen Woolfe (Shameless SF/Dreemworld)

and many more

Shine Dance Lounge
LOCATION: 1337 Mission St., San Francisco, CA 94103
OPEN: Wednesday - Saturday, 9PM ~ 2 AM

http://www.shinesf.com

Thursday, January 08, 2009

NEXT GIG: Thur Jan 15 @ Annie's Social Club

Its time once again for Shameless SF's Adaptor and Shameless Sashimi.
Say that fast 3 times!!!

Thursday 01.15.09
shameless presents
Adaptor and Shameless Sashimi

@ Annie's Social Club
917 Folsom @ 5th St
21+ :: free before 10pm, $5 after

Shameless Sashimi
Music * Sushi * Art
7-10pm

sultry beats provided by
JEN WOOLFE (shameless sf, dreemworld) ß *new shameless resident*
Robb Green (shameless sf)
and Many MORE. Stay tuned!!!

Friday, January 02, 2009

Forever and a Day

I realize its been forever and a day since I've published a blog. Though I have two or three of them either in my head or scattered onto various pages in my notebook, I haven't felt the motivation to sit down and bring them together. This is partially due to the sheer speed at which things are happening to me. And partially due to devoting myself to an incredible amount of emotional, physical and spiritual changes.

I've been moving. I've never moved out of state before. I didn't realize this 4 months ago when I accepted a job in Berkeley and began the moving process. I've moved plenty and traveled extensively. But I've never taken up residence outside of the state of Washington. There's more to this than one might think. Red tape, if you will. So much to do just to get yourself settled. I was in a sublet and then I was in a sexy loft space. And, as the financial state of the world has recently crumbled my inner yuppie's American Dream, I have been laid off from my job in Berkeley. I'm moving again. This time, into a room in a friend's house in Oakland where my inner artist can make all her American Dreams come true. Moving is incredibly jarring, and I'm looking forward to grounding myself in one space for a long while.

I've been healing. Through nutrition, acupuncture and intense chiropractic work, I've been bringing my body to a state of 100% health. What disease is taking 4+ months to recover from? Stress. Physical, Emotional and Chemical Stress. Physical: I'm learning how to feed my body all the nutrients it needs daily. Emotional: I'm allowing myself to feel the pain of loss and the beauty of gaining instead of pushing feelings away or rooting them into my unconsciousness. Chemical: I'm paying careful attention to the toxins that I allow into my body and make sure I consume the necessary antidotes to get myself into balance (usually water, nutrients through a balanced diet and essential oils, meditation and -- most importantly! -- rest).

I've been changing. I know I've changed physically. I chopped my hair short, dyed it black and dropped 12 pounds (15 if I don't drink enough water). But what other than physical am I changing? I'm so in the middle of it that I can't even distinguish what is the 'new' me and what is the 'old' me. Meaning, I'm not sure I have a handle on what characteristics I'm leaving and what characteristics I'm holding onto. A year from now, 6 months from now, 2 weeks from now: I'll have a much better answer.

I've been reading. Seriously. Not only am I chipping away at 'Feng Shui for the Soul' and Anthony Ravenscroft's 'Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful', but I've blown through all 4 books in Stephenie Meyer's 'Twilight' Series and a trashy novel called 'The Balance Thing' by Margret Dumas.

I've been connecting. A few weeks ago I told people that though I'd met some members of my new 'family' here in San Francisco, I hadn't 'connected' with them. (This somewhat includes members of my already existing spillover-from-life-in-Seattle SF family, which have been incredibly supportive, inviting and understanding). I've crossed that threshold, finally. I'm connecting with people, new and old, in both East Bay and SF proper that will are creating the support bubble that I need to be my best in this world.

I've been receiving. I am so blessed. So many friends both near and far have handed me exactly what I need at exactly the time I've needed it. From material things like wifi routers to spiritual readings, dj gigs, coffee and hopes for job prospects. Shahid, bless his soul, lent me two monitor speakers. Those two elements, plus a copy of 'Reason 4 Ignite!' is pushing me over the edge of my technical slump with regards to creating music. I'm seriously, seriously blessed.

So what's next for me? Now I am on the job search again and continuing to paint the 'red tape' transparent. Any moment that I'm not doing so is a gift and I'm either spending that in the studio making music or connecting with friends.

And now that my inner artist has taken over my path, my first publishable tracks won't take me forever and a day.